O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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