So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
