i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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