Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
