Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
