If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
