I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
