I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
