I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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