Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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