I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
