turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
