Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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