he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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