Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
