im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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