he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Success! We fucked roommates!
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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