On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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