Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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