So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
