So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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