I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
