3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
