I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
