How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
