Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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