I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
