uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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