he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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