I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
