I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
