I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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