Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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