I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Randomize
