First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
