At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
