It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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