I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
