Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
