Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
