you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
