It's like God shit irony all over that family
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
