This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
