well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
