70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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