i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I pour the whiskey from now on
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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