i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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