a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
did i just pee glitter
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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