ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
