we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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